The Rambling Gypsy

Yacht Mishaps and Tequila Tales

• The Rambling Gypsy • Season 4 • Episode 15

Share episode

When a sunset photo opportunity on a yacht in Cabo turns into an unexpected vanishing act, you know you're in for one of Kel's legendary mishap stories. Fresh from her summer travels, Kel rejoins Tiffany at the Frog Pond to share the tale of how she mysteriously fell through an opening in a yacht while trying to capture the perfect sunset shot—without hitting a single stair on her way down—resulting in what friends unsympathetically dubbed a "yachting injury."

The conversation flows as freely as Tiffany's notoriously potent margaritas (which later caused Kel to press her face against an elevator wall during a particularly challenging workday). Between fits of laughter, the duo catches up on community flood recovery efforts and Birdie's health struggles while Kel was away on her numerous summer adventures.

Family vacation stories take center stage as Kel recounts her twelve-day journey with husband Shiloh, two sons, and her mother through Chicago and St. Louis. Highlights include Riley's failed attempt to sneak into premium seats at Wrigley Field (thwarted by the vigilant security guard Joyce), experiencing the mind-blowing "Flyover" attraction that simulates soaring above Chicago, and adopting what Shiloh calls "Red Line mentality" during a heated subway confrontation. The St. Louis portion of their trip revealed a less glamorous side of travel, with Kel describing streets that made her "walk on her tippies" and the bizarre City Museum with its school bus hanging from the roof.

Despite all the mishaps and close quarters with family for twelve days, these summer adventures created memories worth sharing—and a reminder that sometimes the most entertaining stories come from vacation fails rather than picture-perfect moments. Check out this episode for a guaranteed laugh and perhaps some reassurance that your own vacation disasters aren't so bad after all!

The Rambling Gypsy podcast is a behind-the-scenes look at the lives of real Texans doing real sh*t. We're pulling back the curtains on our daily lives - and you're invited to laugh and learn along with us.

Links:
http://www.youtube.com/@TheRamblingGypsy
https://www.facebook.com/GypsyMammaTiff/
https://www.instagram.com/GypsyMammaTiff/
https://www.theramblinggypsypodcast.com/

Speaker 1:

Hey everybody. This is Tiffany Poyer with the Ramblin' Gypsy Podcast and we are at the Frog Pond. We have Kel. Kel is back. She's been out and about and running and summer vacay and we haven't talked in a long minute. No, In fact, you just came into the subdivision and said you lost your membership Immediately.

Speaker 2:

I pulled in the gate, I went to type my code. The whole screen is different. I had a call, like a peasant Well, and I said access denied.

Speaker 1:

Don't get your feelings hurt, because I have to do the same thing. I have to pull up to the gate, I have to get out of the car, I have to call myself from the gate and then I have to answer the gate on my phone. Did you approve this upgrade? They didn't call me.

Speaker 2:

No, I mean no, so that's how the day started.

Speaker 1:

So I haven't talked to you since. Um what we've talked, but I haven't seen you since before the flood. No, yeah, so you guys have been. When did y'all leave?

Speaker 2:

Oh man, that was fourth of july right, we left the next week like the 15th but weren't y'all?

Speaker 1:

oh, riley was gone, riley was gone, riley was gone.

Speaker 2:

That's why he did oklahoma yeah, road trip, wakeboarding, all the things, yeah, friend problems, yep, did all that. And then, yes, we were here, um, because you got stuck out on the road.

Speaker 1:

We did yeah At the resort. All the tragedies, all the things.

Speaker 2:

Oh yeah, that was heavy, very heavy.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, we've been through a lot of floods with me, and that one was well obviously. I mean, it was not so much about us, obviously, it was above us, but then we got, we got.

Speaker 2:

But that's a trigger warning, I mean you know straight away if you've been here through a real one, I mean you remember how quick that changes.

Speaker 1:

And so we're still doing all the benefits and the things for the littles.

Speaker 2:

There's a lot of stuff coming up.

Speaker 1:

Yep A lot of stuff coming up, done a lot of really cool things, and then we're going to try to keep it going and do continue the benefits next year.

Speaker 1:

So we've decided that we're going to try to keep it going and do continue the benefits next year. So we've decided that we're kind of letting the big guys kind of handle everything and get involved where we can and then we're just going to help and push and keep going and yeah. So I'm super excited about that. But yeah, it's been, it's been good, it's been bad, it's been ugly, it's been hard, it's been. I mean we're still fixing stuff at ours but I mean I can't complain, obviously. I mean we could it. It could all have been a lot worse, as hard as that is is to fathom.

Speaker 2:

But, um, we've gone out and, you know, cleaned up what we could around here, and that little one, my little river hero, does his part you know, and he finds sunken canopy and he's going to spend all day pulling it out and recruit strangers to help, and you know it's his personal responsibility. You just help where you can, you do what you can and pray for the rest. No doubt. So yes.

Speaker 1:

But we I know we never talk really honestly about what we're going to talk about. That's a real fucking story. Really honestly about what we're going to talk about. That's a real fucking story. We've been holding this story off for a long minute, and so you, obviously the kids are home for the summer. Yes, rowan. So which is the little? Not so much Riley. Riley is now grown Half man right, yeah.

Speaker 1:

So, anyways, we've been holding off for this story for a while. You have been trying to tell me and Nick about this many times and I've told you nope, hush, we don't want to know. We're saving it for the podcast, we're saving it for, yeah, today is the day. Today is the day. So Kel, during the summer, goes on all kinds of trips. They plan the kids go summer camp, then they vacate, then they vacate, and then they vacate again, and then they fucking go on vacation again. It's annoying, but whatever, we still love her. And now she wants to know why her access was denied.

Speaker 2:

Well, that's because we're pissed Because we're all here doing what we do.

Speaker 1:

And you're off sending us fucking pictures and shit. But I'm glad you're. No, she doesn't staycation, she staycations all the damn time. But anyways, we still love you. We're not hating on you, but yeah, I am. So anyways, we want to know how did you fall off the ship? Oh the ship. Oh, here we go. First of all, let's tell us where you were Cabo, she went to Mexico. Cabo, she went to Mexico.

Speaker 2:

That was right.

Speaker 1:

when school got out, we had a little wedding in Cabo. That was sweet of you to wait until they got out of school, yeah, I know, and leave them with grandma.

Speaker 2:

Anyway, we get to Cabo, get invited out on a yacht. Of course they have tacos and tequila and all the things, so we're having a great day. First of all, I'm taking all the pictures. Question who?

Speaker 1:

How well do these people know you? Oh, not at all.

Speaker 2:

Mm-mm. Only my husband knows me. The rest of them I have never hung out with. Not an actual day. Hmm, Not even in the United States, Okay let me set the stage here for everyone.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so if y'all have ever met Kel's husband, shiloh, the most easygoing, I mean, yes, flat line. This girl is like a rat on acid all the time, which is why we get along so well. And then you have Shy, which is the, and he just lets her go and do and watches and smiles and I'm a nervous wreck.

Speaker 1:

All the time I'm thinking my God'm thinking my god, shallow, do you see what's happening right now? He's like I know, and that's so cute, like no, really it's not okay. So he's about to fall out of a tree and so I'm the nervous nelly he drinks tequila, though I do not, so on the ship. That's what he has on the ship yeah, he, we, me and shot will have it. And he tells everywhere we go and if you watch the show, you've heard the story where Shiloh tells him to just scare it.

Speaker 2:

Scare it. He told him that everywhere he went. You don't need to shake the shit out of it?

Speaker 1:

You just scare it with the ice.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you just scare it a little bit, and so, yes, that's what he does. So they were serving me, palomas, I don't even know what that was, but it was delicious, and the little key limes were cut like little suns. It was adorable. We were having a great day, so they let me take over the Bluetooth on the yacht.

Speaker 1:

She is on an all-inclusive wedding destination, okay, so now let's go.

Speaker 2:

So we get on the yacht. I do the whole thing. I take over the music. We're having a great day, we're drinking tequila, the tug was coming out and I think I want to get up there and get one more sunset picture. But you know, on the yacht you've got that little catwalk. You've got to get up on the front. So I think I'm not going to be the girl to drop my phone.

Speaker 1:

First of all, Trampoline in the front. It was like a yeah, like a lay down type yeah, a trampoline, yeah, okay.

Speaker 2:

So I'm thinking I don't want to drop my phone because I'm never going to hear the end of it. So I'm like, instead of shimmying over there, I'm going to create when was your life preserver? No, they're in a hole somewhere. Those Pablo and what's his name? They got him. So I go and I'm going to slide my cell phone over the windshield of the boat, next to the driver captain, and I think I'm going to hand it to my friend. They, let you Listen. It was like not that high, it didn't seem that high. But there's a cabin, you know, with stairs that go down. There's a couch and a bar and a room and all that. So apparently I stepped in the hole just right where I didn't hit a stair, I didn't hit anything. I was up and then I was down. I got shanghaied.

Speaker 1:

All by yourself. Yeah, you didn't hit anything. Didn't hit anything. She says it was just a party of one Kel party of one, listen.

Speaker 2:

But nobody saw me because I was like up, and then I was in a hole and I woke up like a split second and I there's an ottoman and went to sleep. There was a couch. No, and I realized, oh shit, there's my hat. And I grabbed my hat and I set up on the couch real quick, miss, miss, are you okay? Are you okay? And I'm like I can't find my hat band and he's like what it's right here? Yeah, and I put it on. I said I'm gonna put myself out in timeout for five minutes and then I'm going to be back upstairs. They're both like Alexa set a timer for five minutes. I hear, shiloh, babe, are you okay? No one can see me. I'm gone into a trap door and I'm like I have to sit here.

Speaker 2:

The laundry department I have to assess my injuries. I can't even tell I'm sitting there like my injuries. I can't even tell I'm sitting there like do I have all my teeth? Something surely has happened to me.

Speaker 1:

It was.

Speaker 2:

Alice in Wonderland. I was there and I was gone. Then I was like my knee feels a little weird. I got a bruise that knocked off my spray tan. Something is wrong here.

Speaker 1:

I said I went back upstairs. Did you call them to get a refund on your tan?

Speaker 2:

Because I know you probably did Girl listen, I, no, you probably did, girl, listen. I got a real tan to fill in the holes while I was in Mexico. Okay, good girl, but that's why you signed that waiver. Yeah, because I literally no one saw me fall, they didn't even know. They brought me a bag of ice and I was like, I think I'm good, I don't know.

Speaker 2:

I woke up the next day and was like, oh babe, something happened to me. Something happened to me, something happened to me. He's like tequila, yeah, happened to you. And I was like, oh, I try to walk it off, because in my family you don't just go to the hospital, you better walk that shit off. And then it hurt for a good two weeks. I said I'm 40 years old, I never made it, I never had a knee injury in my life. This is not walkable. I'm not walking this off and I walk on, you know for work and everything. And so I was like, fine'm going to break down and call the doctor. I go. And she's like, oh, you got a partial MCL tear there. You should probably not be doing whatever you did. She said when you fell on that I said it was a yacht in Mexico.

Speaker 1:

Yes, by the way, she said. So do you remember?

Speaker 2:

how your leg bent. Was it like this, or was it? I said girl, nobody saw me. I wish I had a video. That's not what she asked you.

Speaker 1:

Nobody knows she said was there, you remember? No, let's get to the point. I do not recall. Yeah, I do not recall. I am pleading though, whatever.

Speaker 2:

Whatever number I'm supposed to plead, something ain't right in there yeah, but yeah, I, as I got back to work, I'm like a little gimpy. Everybody's like, oh, what happened? I said, oh, this is my yachting injury. And they said, no one fucking feels sorry for you, by the way, no, on your vacation with your tan and your yachting injury, right, so good luck, tell somebody else about that. But I mean other than that. I had to gimp around for two more days. Oh, bless your heart.

Speaker 1:

You know, in Mexico.

Speaker 2:

From one buffet to the next, dude up and down. I literally just I don't think I ever hit a stair. I had all my teeth still. I was like my neck couldn't be broken.

Speaker 1:

I don't understand why you were trying to put your phone over the deal.

Speaker 2:

I really wanted a sunset picture and I did not trust myself to shimmy on that little side catwalk and hold my phone at the same time.

Speaker 1:

Why weren't you sitting on the trampoline in the front? I was up there, but I came back.

Speaker 2:

To get, I don't know, tequila, probably Dear lord, clearly I needed more.

Speaker 1:

You could not get a better picture than on the front of the fucking boat, exactly so you decided to go behind a glass window.

Speaker 2:

I was behind the window at this point and I wanted to go back out and you wanted to go. Yeah, I wanted to go back out Because we saw the arches and Cabo and it was on my list and all the things. So I didn't break my neck Minor injury, virtually unscathed. Yeah, we did the whole thing. So that was how we started this summer. Yeah, and then Bless your heart.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so no one feels sorry for you about your yachting injury. That's retarded.

Speaker 2:

That was. I mean, that was the only injury sustained, Zero days without accidents?

Speaker 1:

No Fuck around. That is absolute horseshit.

Speaker 2:

I'm going to put that on a shirt. Yeah, zero days, zero days, whatever. Okay, so that's how it started.

Speaker 1:

So, other than that, how did you get out of the chute?

Speaker 2:

there were stairs. Yeah, pablo and pedro were right there and they were like miss, miss, let me help you back the fuck up here on dry land or wherever you're supposed to be Return to your assigned seat.

Speaker 1:

Eat a taco here's an ice pack, get off the boat. So usually we're referring to the girls, not this actually was a whole woman out of her assigned seat.

Speaker 2:

I didn't belong down there at all, so that was a really good time.

Speaker 1:

How many tequilas were you in? One tequila, two tequila, three tequila floor when you're on the boat in the sun, literally. Yeah, I think they wrote that song for you. Tequila floor.

Speaker 2:

Or the joke, or whatever it is. That is what happened to me One tequila two tequila, three tequila floor. I was like that's a thing, it's called Shanghai. When they pull it out from under you, I said that's what I feel like happened happened. I don't recall seeing a stair hitting a stair, so anyway, that was all good. I'd never been to Cabo before. I know you did that.

Speaker 1:

Um boots on the beach. I think that's going on right now.

Speaker 2:

You know I didn't like you can't get in the water because the you know, yeah, undertow is so serious.

Speaker 1:

I didn't realize but that's very, that's kind of common. It's just on that side, yeah, yeah, where you are.

Speaker 2:

But I guess you know me being like a little beachcomber. I was like wanting to walk the beach and sit in the beach and that's not a thing over there.

Speaker 1:

No, it's in different areas. I mean you got to. I mean I would say safety first, but clearly you don't give a shit. Clearly that does not pertain to some said individuals. Almost, one piece, almost one piece.

Speaker 2:

Almost one piece.

Speaker 1:

We're talking about tequila and I will let's move on to another funny story of yours. That so I mean you've been gone. I feel like I need to give you at least a little bit of shit because we haven't been anywhere and you've been 47 places and it's only like the third week of summer, fourth week maybe, whatever.

Speaker 2:

Clearly you have a huge shortage of fun, Huh.

Speaker 1:

Fuck off. So yeah, so we're having margaritas at the Frog Pond on a random whatever afternoon. Tuesday afternoon Could be a Tuesday. Yeah, and kale, Where'd we go first? Did we have one first before we came here? Probably no, we went to go get our tomes under control. Right, so we had mimosa. You usually have a couple twosies or whatever.

Speaker 2:

They're so small though.

Speaker 1:

They are, they just kind of piss you off, but anyways, but that's I'm not bitching, I'm just grateful you know I talk a lot. So then we come here and I make my margs and my margs are Don't play, no they're not, and if you're not a seasoned vet In fact, when Nick came over the other week, I was like hey, there's margaritas in the refrigerator.

Speaker 1:

Do you have a cup? If you want some, she comes out with a cup. And I said did you put ice in it? And she said no. And I said no, babe, you got to fill the thing completely with ice Because there's no margarita, it's mostly tequila, is what she's saying, her secret recipe is tequila, tequila and a couple of other things, juices and splashes and spritzes.

Speaker 1:

There's just a splash, that's about it, but if you don't put it on ice you'll die. So Cal has her, marg, like we're at Tifinis Mexican restaurant. It is Especial, we're at Tifinis. Yes, she's, all is good. She's got to go, leaves the house and she works her, I am on you today. Her two three hour, her two shifts a week. Okay, they are 10 hour shifts, which is impressive, but yeah, okay, 12. Whatever a week. Okay, there are 10 hour shifts, which is impressive, 12. But, yeah, okay, 12, whatever. Anyway, she's got to be there early.

Speaker 1:

And so she gets up, and then like two, three days later, you tell us the story. Yeah, you just gave me a flashback. So she said look, what the hell, go ahead and tell everybody.

Speaker 2:

I don't know what the hell you put in those margaritas the hell, go ahead and tell everybody. I don't know what the hell you put in those margaritas because, listen, I mean I drank on a regular night sometimes and I wake up, just fine and I go to work and I do my thing. I said I woke up and I could not even have coffee. I drank my water and I drove slowly. I couldn't even do the gangster act like a regular day.

Speaker 1:

She has this amazing back patio, enclosed porch patio thing, and she goes out and it's got her TV on there. She goes and she'll sit and it's a screen room. It's really cool and she'll go out there and have her coffee in the morning and get her life together.

Speaker 2:

Sure, usually on a good day, but on this particular day, I barely remember what happened to me. I got shanghaied, I guess. Again, I see a pattern forming here, I see what I see, what you're doing I see what you're doing, tequila no I mean I had almost leaned against the wall on the way to the clock.

Speaker 1:

I was like, of all the days, I don't think I'm gonna make it so she parks in the back parking lot and it's a it's a little, you know, like a valet jog. Yeah, sure To get to the back of the building. She said she's wearing her scrubs because she has to.

Speaker 2:

Thought about calling in sick from the parking lot. We're too late.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so she gets in and she said you know how the escalators, elevator escalators yeah elevator they're all metal. Yeah, and she goes and they're really cold. She said I was having a hot flash. She said my armpits were sweating Everything was sweating oh it was bad, she said. I just smacked my cheek up against the wall and then somebody tried to come in.

Speaker 2:

Oh yeah, close the button. No, no, Push, push. Yeah, Close the button. No, no, it's party one in here. You don't want to be in here. That was a real struggle day. I mean when I can't have coffee to get my mind right and I'm just, you know, probably should have not had as much, but I even went to bed early.

Speaker 1:

I thought it was like a Well you said you were in bed by 4.30 in the afternoon.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's a thing because listen, ps, tiff don't play. No, put that on his shirt. I can handle tequila. We all have our gifts.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that is not one of mine, clearly so tequila makes her clothes fall off, but whatever well, I mean that's makes you fall off the boat. At the boat. At least I fell in the boat and not off of the boat.

Speaker 2:

well, I mean, it was just a matter of time. It probably would have hurt less and they would have thrown me a thing. God Could have had it completely intact.

Speaker 1:

I'm really disappointed they didn't have cameras. I mean I'm a little disappointed. I would have liked to gotten the ones out of the escalator to see your face smacked up against the deal.

Speaker 2:

I really wondered how that happened. I mean, like, how did it play out? Oh, I'm sure they have that on surveillance security. I know the security guard.

Speaker 1:

I might get him to roll the tape because Seriously, just to see your face smacked up against the oh it was.

Speaker 2:

I have worked on lots of New Year's and you know whatever kind of thing. I'm still going to go have my fun. But this Wednesday was brutal. This particular Wednesday, I'm sure it's on my calendar because I almost died that day. I'm grown. That's why I don't take shots, I don't recover well, I know myself. But then when I'm over here and we're having fun and it's like ah, tequila margaritas, your margaritas are really hard to pass up. They're so good they are, you're not wrong, they're really good.

Speaker 1:

So that's my story and I'm sticking to it. I have a little hidden secret in there that I'm not going to ever tell my two tequila tales and then yeah, but I'm not Okay.

Speaker 1:

What else have we missed this summer Recovery flood? Birdie update, since you were not here to save us and you were on another vacation yeah Okay, birdie had a croup and you weren't another vacation. Yeah Okay, birdie had a croup and you weren't here to listen to her lungs, and so we had to take her to a real place and her other doctor, and you could have FaceTimed me and I didn't like what they said, and then you weren't here to check. Her Could have FaceTimed me, so I made the kids take her back to the doctor.

Speaker 1:

No, yeah, it's pretty brutal.

Speaker 2:

She Back to the doctor. No, yeah, it's pretty brutal it is.

Speaker 1:

She's doing very well. She's a trooper. She is such a champ, she's turning the corner.

Speaker 2:

She is, she is Praise baby Jesus, that's no joke.

Speaker 1:

If you got littles and you know about croup. It's no joke to watch your baby struggle. I'm asthmatic. When I was little back in the olden days they didn't know what asthma really was. They just said you know you got problems.

Speaker 2:

Here, try this. Yeah, yeah, no, it's a thing. And then, if you know there, is a component that is hereditary. So if you already have an asthmatic component and Riley tons and tons of allergies, but you love.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you know struggle.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. So they had sent me a picture that morning. Gage called me that morning and I'm looking at the picture and Gage calls and he was like, mom, do you think you can keep her? And I was like, of course. I mean, we will reschedule the world, bring it on. Yeah, we will shred that calendar for birdie. Yeah, we'll make it work. And I look at the picture and then I look y'all know I'm blind as a goddamn bat. It's gotten so freaking bad. And so then I put on my eyeballs and I look and I was like, wait, what I said are y'all at the hospital? Like, is that a hospital bed? And then I really start to pay attention. I'm like okay, hospital bed. And gage's like, yeah, mom, we were at the hospital from 1 am until 4 30 and y'all just not calling me. That's what I said, that's what I said, gage.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I know you probably got his location. You're lucky she was asleep because she didn't know y'all was at the hospital right, so yeah, so they brought birdie over and well, I'm glad she's on the men, because that is hard to watch and scary, yeah.

Speaker 1:

So the biggest thing I mean when crew goes from RSV and yeah, yeah, that's where you get it. She's doing good they went. I made them take her back in Thursday morning because somebody wasn't here. She was in whatever watching a baseball game or some shit.

Speaker 2:

Your friend, that's a specialist about those things. Yeah, I got roped into this baseball summer tour. I don't even like baseball that much.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, but we're going to the Savannah Bananas.

Speaker 2:

They played the night before we got to St Louis and everyone was there telling me all about it.

Speaker 1:

They're playing in September. Well, there's a Texas team, I mean, there's another one. Tailgaters, yes, yeah.

Speaker 2:

I thought I was bullshitting her.

Speaker 1:

Well no, when we had Birdie's birthday party, we were watching the deal on the birthday party. Bet y'all got tickets and didn't get me one. Huh, Look just because a girl. That's not a bad idea. We should put her in timeout. We should make her think that we didn't get her a no-game ticket. You don't think this punish session is obvious? The laundry chute at of the yacht at the bottom of the tequila barrel is not time out, ma'am.

Speaker 2:

Wow, seriously, I'm glad you crawled out of that barrel Right.

Speaker 1:

Welcome back.

Speaker 2:

Unless you had a massive case of the shits from some bad sushi or some shit that you ate down there, just the tequila talking.

Speaker 1:

Oh Lord, that was more. That was a lot of tequilas. Listen, so that's why I generally you know, so you were at a baseball game yeah, so we did but birdie's good yeah, that was a st louis baseball game.

Speaker 2:

I think st louis is kind of hood.

Speaker 1:

We did the whole man, I haven't been there in a in a long long time I had never been actually so.

Speaker 2:

My mom's from just outside chicago and she's like die hard cub fan like I was born into this.

Speaker 1:

I really can't help it. You take your mom to a game y'all.

Speaker 2:

So we take her, we go visit her. You know we have family in southern illinois. It's like a little hippie dippy. Right community says high and dry since 1912. So what you're saying is y'all don't have to kill you. It's the hippiest town in Illinois, so we stopped in, saw the ants went on up outside Chicago.

Speaker 2:

We went to Wrigley field, which is like a huge that was on Shiloh's bucket list. I've been, but not since I was a kid Took the boys did the thing, got the Chicago dog. You know, riley tried to pull him a little. Uh, I saw this on TikTok and I'm gonna scoot up like he. We watched him because he had an NB on his back and he had a Wrigley Field hat on and he's. We were watching him and he's scooting up. He got his ass down to the second row and he sat down and he was enjoying himself. And then guess who? Hello, Do you have your ticket? And he's like oh, I must be lost. We're watching the whole thing, cause he's like down and center, easy to spot. And he's like playing on his phone, like he's trying to figure out where our tickets are.

Speaker 1:

He's trying to figure out where his Apple wallet is.

Speaker 2:

So then I see the lady march him down and I get up. Shiloh's like is he calling me? And I'm like, nope, he's calling me. Hi, babe. He goes, hi, mom, where are our seats? And I'm like, oh, buddy. And this lady's like hi, this is Joyce with Wrigley Field Security. I have your son.

Speaker 1:

He's lost. We see you, Joyce, on the big cam. He's lost.

Speaker 2:

I'm going to walk him back to the front of your section. I will not let him go. He's 15 years old. He's taller than me. He ain't lost Girl. He's trying to play you.

Speaker 1:

So she hands me off my son.

Speaker 2:

She had like 37 pins on her Joyce heard all the stories. Joyce got security of the month or something I said you don't play in Joyce's section. No, she's going to make sure I hand you.

Speaker 1:

Joyce is going through her badges.

Speaker 2:

She got all the things.

Speaker 1:

She got 37,000 of them.

Speaker 2:

She said don't you worry, I'm not going to let them go until I hand them right off to you. I said get your ass back up there, George.

Speaker 1:

retired from the airlines. She loves her job. She's been carting them, bad Johnnies, from one state to the next. Come on now.

Speaker 2:

This ain't the first time.

Speaker 1:

I've seen some little boy try to come she got goldfish in her pocket.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, no, so that didn't work out. He ate the Chicago dog.

Speaker 1:

He did the thing. Okay, let's talk about that, because Gage is. I don't think I would have liked it. I'll have to ask Riley Gage is like a hot dog Connoisseur. I was going to say that he likes all the things. When you give him a sack and pack, is that a connoisseur? There's a pickle and there's peppers that's a colon cleanse is what that is.

Speaker 2:

Oh, Marley was all about it. I was like I would be picking stuff off, Like I got the little plain one, I got rolling the foam finger. We did the peanuts, the popcorn, whatever, and you know the beer. But I'm not.

Speaker 1:

When we went to Universal Studios, when we did our vacation, you know because I haven't been in a couple years, not like you, but anywho, yeah, they can hear you. So, uh, there was a hot dog stand and it was Chicago dogs, you know whoever, whatever it could be, but they, they had all these things, options, the crunched with the fire, cheetos, and then you put this on there and then you put the whatever's on. Well, gage, was that's, all these plates.

Speaker 2:

He was team like, I'll try them all.

Speaker 1:

That's all we had. You try them all? Yeah, so, and these things are.

Speaker 2:

You couldn't pay me to eat all this other weird the relish is neat.

Speaker 1:

He had to go before the restaurant, after the restaurant that we had reservations.

Speaker 2:

We already had dinner, but now he still needs a dog. And then we got to go.

Speaker 1:

And then we need to have this kind. And they all got these different kinds and all I wanted was a pickle. So I went up to the guys that were working the deal and they were so freaking cool, what's it take? And I said, look, can I just get like I'm parched? I need some salt in my life. Let me tell you what this girl's name was Tiffany, and she was so cool. She handed me a Dixie cup and she said now don't tell, girl gave me a red Solo cup, girl Full.

Speaker 2:

Pickles, sliced pickles. She said don't you tell nobody else, don't you tell nobody, I'll deny it.

Speaker 1:

I said I ain't saying nothing, Uh-uh. And so yeah, the kids had. We had to go one day. Gage had two in one seating To try all the dogs different kind of. Yeah, yeah, we had pictures of all of that and so thing.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, he was like real proud of it.

Speaker 1:

What kind did he go?

Speaker 2:

get. It's just like a standard chicago dog it came with like a poppy seed, like a pickle spear, some peppers in there.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I know I don't need all that just the conversation makes me want to go take a pepsi, you see it's a real thing. I mean watching gage and them eat those things he had. They did like a, not I don't know that there was a day he did a, a competition kind of like the guys do at the float house with the deal and they have who eats the most gage? Does the deal with? How many hot dogs can I have in a year?

Speaker 2:

or a summer, we rode the subway on the way home uh just we wrote okay, so this is a separate game.

Speaker 2:

We did a game and we drove and then we went back into chicago and we did like this museum of illusions, which is like very cool. It's a chain thing. They have one in austin, they had. I highly recommend it. It was like super awesome. You hear this museum of yeah, museum of illusion. It's been popping up on my Facebook forever and finally I'm like they have one in Chicago, let's go. So we went and did that. Lots of cool photo ops and like I really don't know how a lot of this shit works, but it was amazing. And then we saw the bean, the infamous big silver bean in Chicago. Rode the alien.

Speaker 2:

Okay, so the whole thing about Chicago. You have to like there's trains and then we're like we parked in one place, we did the Navy pier, we saw the you know the Ferris wheel, we did the flyover, which I don't know if y'all have ever heard of this. I had no idea. Apparently they have them in other cities also, but it's like a more than the IMAX. You're in a chair and it raises you up and you do a flyover of the whole city. I got you some video on this the first time I panicked and I really thought I was going to drop my phone and the wind was blasting in my face. How many tequilas did you have before?

Speaker 1:

the flyover Zero Zero.

Speaker 2:

This was not even my idea. We get in there and I'm like I'm a little afraid of heights, not really. But I don't do roller coasters, not for fun, like shit like that. But we're all in there and it just takes off and we're cruising and you're flying over the city and then there's some straight drops all the way down and then there's things like you go over the water and you actually get wet, and then you're over the cops doing a high speed chase and a high-speed chase and you can like smell the tires burning and there's like steam coming. I was so scared the first half I put my phone down because I was like, oh my God, I'm going to die, like I was putting my feet out, like I thought I was going to hit, they let you have your phone.

Speaker 2:

No, they tell you to put it in the basket.

Speaker 1:

Oh, of course, but I you wanted to get that over. The windshield photo shoot again.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, exactly, I almost went over the windshield again. Of course you did, or in it for that matter.

Speaker 1:

We stopped.

Speaker 2:

That thing was like it was really cool. I highly recommend. If anybody sees that, fly over Chicago. They have that at Disney in California. It's the California Soaring Someone else told me that I think. But it is incredible. It is unlike anything you've ever seen. So that I think. But it is incredible. It is unlike anything you've ever seen.

Speaker 2:

So we get off and immediately I'm like something just happened to me and Rowan's like let's do it again. And my mom's, like I see it, says if you want to go for a second time, it's 50% off. So we had to do it again. So the next time I knew it was coming, I was a little less scared and I got a little more footage. But it is like, just blow your mind. Shit, that's cool. Then we went to the game. They were losing this game. I was like you know what we should probably just get out of here for the crowd? We had to get on the train, the subway, the subway. So it's like a madhouse. Everyone we're we're getting out early, like the eighth inning, and everyone's still trying to get on the train, trying to get on the train, trying to get on the train, and like we're standing there. Okay, wait sorry.

Speaker 1:

First of all I want to know is this like the subway subway?

Speaker 2:

this is. They have l trains in chicago, which a lot of them are up, and this one is actually.

Speaker 1:

It does go, uh, under tunnels and stuff, but I mean, this is the it's the one that you would get murdered yeah, yeah, that's the one.

Speaker 2:

so we have my mom and kids. This is the footage I need we go to get in. What do you mean? Right? You didn't get any footage from the actual, the subway, the alert of your surroundings. Shiloh calls this red line mentality. Because we was on the red line, I get in First of all. This guy elbow checks me to get in front of me and I'm like, oh my God.

Speaker 1:

Was somebody sitting there?

Speaker 2:

reading the newspaper. Nobody was there. He threw his kid in the seat in front of me, and so I snuck in the next seat, and his wife is standing there with the baby, like first of all we know how you sneak in loud and proud. She's like the ball's on you and I was like, oh, you have a baby, let me get up. And I was like man, did you see that guy just threw his kid, like literally underneath me, Was it a real one?

Speaker 1:

And he goes. I mean, I've seen them subway girls.

Speaker 2:

He said well, something's wrong with you if you would take a seat over a kid. And I said, sir you, ain't seen the movies.

Speaker 2:

Wesley Snipes, down there in the subway, did you see me just get up and offer that other seat to your wife with her baby? Clearly you didn't, and he didn't, and he's like, and I said, sir, oh, I felt it, I felt it coming on and I was like I did the right thing and clearly you shouldn't be so aggressive. I turned around and shiloh was like oh, I'm about to punch this motherfucker and my mom's like I can't believe this and I'm like mom, shut it, mom shut it.

Speaker 2:

We still have all of y'all, oh, we're all of y'all, all of us, and this is the idolatry. Oh yeah, we still have to go like seven stops to get to where our car is parked. Shia's like don't be getting that red line mentality, babe, and I was like it was his fault. I did the right thing. I don't even know why I'm in trouble. I'm not in trouble, but still, Hashtag Rowan, I would have let that kid sit on my lap, like you didn't have to be a dirtbag. I'm not the one Bitch, I'm from Texas. I'm going to be the most hospitable one on this train.

Speaker 1:

All these people are weird with their headphones, playing their games and wearing black. We are going to rewind that part. Roll the tape.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, roll the tape, yeah Hospital hostile.

Speaker 1:

There's a fine line.

Speaker 2:

Sometimes there's a fine line, a red one, the red line mentality girl.

Speaker 1:

I don't even know what the fook that means, but I'm going to look it up.

Speaker 2:

But it sounds good. There's a green line and a blue line and a red line.

Speaker 1:

We just happen to be on that red line Is that the same thing as when you're in kindergarten they move you from the red deal to the yellow yeah, you gotta look to figure out where you're going, oh.

Speaker 2:

And then you gotta like, oh, yeah, it's, it's not easy. And then you gotta like pick your okay yeah, you got it.

Speaker 1:

It doesn't have the person. Lex is not talking to you.

Speaker 2:

I bought the tickets on my phone and then it was wanting to do my face thing and then I went through and then shiloh stuck there like god damn this iphone and I'm trying to like show my face and everyone's trying to get through that and I was like I I can't right now with this, but we made it.

Speaker 2:

Uh, all in all. Then we went to st louis and that was hood, let me tell you, I love me some. Nelly, welcome to the loo. And all that we pulled in that city was dirty. Uh, we had a good time at the ball game, but I was a little scared to go anywhere. But my hotel, okay.

Speaker 1:

See that you are a new Orleans, like you're all about, and I look I've got nothing against it. No, but let me tell you, when I am walking down the streets and I smell more urine and feces than I do in a two-week-old porter potty from the largest concert that you've ever been to in your life, in the heat, I'm done Probably not the place. I Cloroxed my shoes. I was walking on my tippies. I wore clothes too. I cannot, I absolutely cannot.

Speaker 2:

We didn't walk, we just took an Uber ride over.

Speaker 1:

So y'all pedaled through the pee. Shiloh drove yeah, y'all drove through the puddles we did.

Speaker 2:

The pee puddles? We did. Yeah, we did. They have a great aquarium there. Did you have barbecue Did?

Speaker 1:

you have ribs? No, no, girl, did you have ribs.

Speaker 2:

No, no girl, I'm not trying to get barbecue anywhere else. See, they said you got to get it so you can compare, and I was like I know what it is. It's vinegar. Over here, just like Tennessee, it's not a surprise. Nobody wants y'all's barbecue. I wasn't all about that. We did the city museum, which I need to show you some footage of. It was the trippiest place I've ever been in my entire life. Why?

Speaker 2:

They have like a school bus hanging over the top of the building that you can climb into the school bus and there's like four floors of like holes and nooks and crannies and mosaics and slides.

Speaker 1:

I bet you could have fallen right in there.

Speaker 2:

Oh girl, I was like I'm not trying to get in, none of these, no, you could lose your kid for hours, or their mother. You climb up this weird thing and there's like a bird cage up in the top and I'm like there's children in there. I'm like I, rowan, don't even because I'm not coming up to save you when you get stuck up there like no, no, the whole thing was wild.

Speaker 1:

You better phone a friend uh, yeah, you better call somebody, better find one yeah, what's that kid's name?

Speaker 2:

tell him to help you out, because I'm not going up there, no, sir you clearly would not.

Speaker 1:

You couldn't get out of the laundry chute of the freaking ship. I got out of the thing, guess what I got out there ain't no pedro and pablo and saint lori and saint louis.

Speaker 2:

They were like it's some ice pack for you to miss I'm like yeah I'm gonna put it on my, I'm gonna put on my leg. Yeah, it was quite an adventure 12 days. We tried all the things, did all the things 12 days. I just wanted to get back in my own bed and go back to work yeah, let's talk about that.

Speaker 2:

So you're meeting at 7 30 this morning 7 30 this morning yeah, peer interview. So that way, if someone gets hired, or almost hired, to do a job, I am going to be asking questions to ensure that they know how to do their job.

Speaker 1:

Okay, well, I have a question. Yeah, first of all, you just said you were on a 12-day vacation. Yeah, with it was you, your husband, your two children and your mom and my mom. Okay Okay, your husband, your two children and your mom and my mom, okay Okay, Out of the 12 days, there's not many doors and windows or ship holes that you can jump out of. No, or fall into, even if you want to, to get away from 12 days of being in a vehicle. Y'all drove there, all of you together. Yep, first of all, your car is like a spaceship. So that's that solved that problem.

Speaker 2:

Right, because I'm assuming y'all took your spaceship, but the back seat had to be split so you had two-thirds of the back seat if he was in the back row okay.

Speaker 1:

Well then y'all get there. You're doing all the things. What is your? How do you survive a 12-day trip and you cannot say anything illegal. Anything illegal because you're a w-2 employee? Yeah, we even said are you going to?

Speaker 2:

give me a hat. I thought I'm on W-2. Right, right, so I walked a lot. You took laps A lot of laps. Some of them were self-imposed. Okay, most definitely. I just, you know, got out in the sunshine, I got in the pool, I did whatever I could do to get away from everyone, because you have to realize when you're so y'all.

Speaker 1:

how did your hotel accommodation like what?

Speaker 2:

did y'all do there? We had well. We put Grandma in the room with the boys. Oh, there you go, and we got our own room.

Speaker 1:

Oh, so y'all took out your anger in other ways, that's right.

Speaker 2:

Well, you got to do you know y'all go swim it out.

Speaker 1:

We gonna be down in the mid or whatever, don't worry, mom and daddy gonna take a lap or something. We gonna walk to the bar.

Speaker 2:

We gonna be back. We gonna be fine.

Speaker 1:

Okay.

Speaker 2:

We just don't usually even spend that much time together, even he and I or the kids and I or my mom. And now y'all throw everybody in a car. Nobody killed each other, it was. You know, I don't want to sit in the back seat. Just because I'm little Mm-hmm, I'll sit in the back seat. There's nobody looking at me, right, I got my own. You know, it's comfortable back here, fuck y'all. We just played musical chairs and he let Riley drive through some crazy treachery small town. I would have never let him drive through that, but I was like it's all about experience, you know, and I'm like, well, all right, we might as well get that out of the way. Yeah, well, not every day you're going to get to see a crazy road like this. You better get on it. Yeah, no doubt. But we had a blast. I got to hit some thrift shops. I got some treasures and stuff and things.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I saw all my gifts just flowing in, yeah, well, you know they're at the house, don't worry about that.

Speaker 2:

Yep, just getting fired on your day off? Oh my gosh, I got fired on my month off. Clearly it wasn't even approved by HR, no, so now that's another write-up. No call, no show. I mean, I'm lucky I'm here at all. This might be my exit interview, I don't even know.

Speaker 1:

Bless your heart.

Speaker 2:

So what did you like most about working here?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, the margaritas, the margaritas and the frog fun. Okay, okay, yeah, well, we missed you.

Speaker 2:

I've taken my lashes.

Speaker 1:

And I'm glad that you guys had a good time and that's really awesome. I think it's really really cool that you guys are able to experience that and travel with your mom. I know when we took go big H to to Mexico when the kids got married and oh my gosh, so good and so much fun and I and I mean it was so hard for him. You know you go through those freaking when you land. You know you've got to go through another 75 miles of tunnel before you can get. We're almost there, dad, seriously. And I mean I've had a knee replacement, I've had a hip replacement and here I am Ain't no joke, yeah, my 73-year-old dad, 74-year-old dad at the time, and I'm sure you packed light.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, but you just, I get it, you just never know.

Speaker 2:

You got to stop and you got to go, and you got to stop and you got to go and the same you know, you just don't know, is that going to be the last time he ever gets the chance to go to Mexico? We gotta go, we gotta take him and it was good, and it was fun?

Speaker 1:

Yeah it was, but it is hard and it's trying. But it's no different than taking your infant. It's no different than taking your pet. It's no different than taking your dog, your spouse, your significant other or whatever. It's tough to travel.

Speaker 2:

That was what she was like. I don't know if I'll ever make it back. It makes my heart, but we were there in all our cubs, glory and rowan had two foam fingers and he was just. You know, riley's sneaking up and everyone's just drinking old style and loving it like it was more about that so if you have the chance, then you can tolerate your mom or mother-in-law or whatever.

Speaker 1:

You should take them because you just never know.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, life is short.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it really is, it really is. Well, I'm glad you're home. I'm sure you're leaving like two days. Where's the next trip I got to go back to?

Speaker 2:

work. Oh, bless your heart. No, I'm done, I'm done. I'm not going anywhere. I'm off the clock. I'm off the clock, I'm yeah. Whatever, counting the days till school starts. And then we could have frog pond days on any day. Oh yeah. Well, once I renew my membership, I thought they were going to send me a reminder we have like a new committee oh. I've been voted.

Speaker 1:

I've been voted off the island. No, we're going to get you know. It's kind of like a parole committee you got to go through.

Speaker 2:

You got to go through the probation. I got to go to the board now I got to appeal to the parole board.

Speaker 1:

The list of reasons why we're appealing to the, to the, the gate board, the HOA board that I can't even get into. I'm going to sub. Okay, None of us can.

Speaker 2:

Listen, I apologize for my absence. Y'all have been missed. Incredibly, I've had a lot less fun than I normally do but it's a new season coming up. We're going to close this one out and we can try harder next time With helmets and elbow pads and knee pads. Okay, and avoid. Just walk on the catwalk. Don't try to throw your phone over the windshield. It's not going to work. When you messaged, me that message.

Speaker 1:

my first immediate response and we will go back through. I don't care if it takes Roll the tape. We are going to roll every roll of toilet paper to go right back through that message. And my first response was who was watching you and who has never seen you on tequila?

Speaker 2:

the guy who likes tequila and has this is a seasoned man.

Speaker 1:

I mean, shiloh have y'all know we have yeah he's, we have balcony bullshit team tequila. We can vibe till four, five, six. We stayed up into the wee hours in the morning till they were making biscuits and gravy down yonder. Seriously, that's an old ass story. Seriously, I was asleep, but yeah, at 8.30 pm.

Speaker 2:

You're right, because we knew, we know when it's time to tuck you in. I run so hot that when I crash I'm like Night night.

Speaker 1:

We love you, Me and Shai can just keep on keeping on. I don't know.

Speaker 2:

I don't know how he allowed it. That was my first question. He must have thought he was on vacation too Like. I don't know why he didn't think he needed to babysit me.

Speaker 1:

Well, next time I'm going, me and Nick. We've got to go, We've already discussed it Absolutely.

Speaker 2:

We need to get on that.

Speaker 1:

We already took it to the board.

Speaker 2:

It's already been approved.

Speaker 1:

I'm still working on the parole board I don't even know if I can get out.

Speaker 2:

I don't even know when I can go anywhere again.

Speaker 1:

Oh my God. Well, it's good. I love you. I love you. Welcome home. It's good to be home.

Speaker 2:

There's no place like home.