The Rambling Gypsy
Welcome to The Rambling Gypsy Podcast, where Tiffany Foy and friends invite you to join them on their porch for a candid conversation about the quirks and adventures that make up their lives. From Tiffany's eclectic collection of animals to the chaos and joys of raising boys, there's nothing held back as they share their unfiltered perspectives.
With a refreshing honesty and a refusal to sugarcoat anything, this podcast delves into the various oddities and peculiarities that come in life's way. From hilarious anecdotes to thought-provoking discussions, they explore the everyday moments that shape their experiences.
Fortunate to be porching it, Tiffany and friends create an inviting atmosphere where authenticity thrives. They unapologetically embrace their unique journey, inviting listeners to do the same. This podcast is not for everyone, but it is for some; those who appreciate unfiltered, real-life conversations that don't shy away from the messy and imperfect aspects of living.
Join us as we gather around the virtual porch and immerse ourselves in the stories, insights, and laughter that The Rambling Gypsy Podcast brings. Whether you're a fellow animal lover or a parent navigating the rollercoaster of boyhood, this podcast will entertain, inspire, and remind you that it's okay to embrace life's imperfections.
So grab a seat, put on your headphones, and get ready for a delightful journey of laughter, reflection, and unscripted joy. Welcome to The Rambling Gypsy Podcast, where we invite you to be part of our vibrant and unfiltered world.
The Rambling Gypsy
Hold My Goat & Think About Your Choices
From dodging flying forks to undergoing a barber's rescue mission, join Tiff and Kel for another sit-down-and-spill-the-tea on the porch. Whether you're here for the practical life lessons or the anticipation of cold beers on a sunny day, this episode is a reminder that even the most mundane moments can lead to the most memorable stories.
The Rambling Gypsy podcast is a behind-the-scenes look at the lives of real women doing real sh*t. We're pulling back the curtains on our daily lives - and you're invited to laugh and learn along with us.
The Rambling Gypsy podcast is a behind-the-scenes look at the lives of real Texans doing real sh*t. We're pulling back the curtains on our daily lives - and you're invited to laugh and learn along with us.
Links:
http://www.youtube.com/@TheRamblingGypsy
https://www.facebook.com/GypsyMammaTiff/
https://www.instagram.com/GypsyMammaTiff/
https://www.theramblinggypsypodcast.com/
https://www.ramblinggypsy.boutique/
Hey guys, welcome to the Rambling Gypsy podcast. My name is Tiffany Foy and this is my girlfriend, kel, and this is our porch. If it's your first time to join us, this is where we talk about all the good things. We solve all the problems and we are very fortunate to be porch-tunant on our porch.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we are Welcome back.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. So what'd you do? Yeah, anything.
Speaker 2:Let's talk.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we are Welcome back. Yeah, yeah. So what'd you do? What's? Yeah, anything, let's talk. We're so excited, let's see.
Speaker 2:What did we do? What'd you do this weekend? Oh, we got to go to a very special event in Austin Once you survive the traffic between here and Austin, it's okay and it was a movie screening. One of our dear friends got to be like executive producer of a movie, which was kind of weird and creepy but I don't really do scary movies, but the whole thing was very cool. They had a dinner and there was actors and you know they're just introducing people that you don't realize are about to be in the movie that you're watching and they're.
Speaker 2:I just flew in from L, in from LA and very yeah you know um, but I was excited I got to play dress up in your closet.
Speaker 1:That was fun.
Speaker 2:You really don't hear about um red carpet events in Texas yeah, no, I think they did one in LA last weekend, nice, and then this one was in Austin. There actually was the red carpet. There's pictures somewhere.
Speaker 1:I guess they're online because you're not supposed to take your own pictures in there right, yeah, so it's like big, big time deal which is kind of ironic. It's kind of crazy. There's a lot of um. There is a lot of actors in austin, there is yeah, um, I didn't, I didn't realize.
Speaker 2:I guess I'm not really into the film part of it or right there there's a lot of people that are all about that life. Yeah, and they were very proud to tell you about it. I bet that's awesome, that's awesome.
Speaker 1:Well, it was pretty cool. So we always talk about my wardrobe and today is extremely casual.
Speaker 1:Not the day to talk about the wardrobe, not in very normal today, but whatever, things go from weird to weirder. In my closet, some friends of ours were getting married and they did a very gypsy theme. It was almost like Alice in Wonderland mixed with gypsy-ish Mad Hattery. Yes, yes, yes, and it was, they pretty much told everybody. You know, this is the theme, this is what we want you to do for the wedding, and you would not believe how many people called and wanted me to dress them out of my closet because that's my, my normal attire.
Speaker 1:You know, I'm the one that goes to the Ren Faire and everybody's like oh my gosh, your outfit. And I'm like no, I mean it just is, I had all this.
Speaker 2:It was just in my closet.
Speaker 1:It was just what I do, but yeah, so it was fun to get to dress you because you got to Calcane and dug in my closet?
Speaker 2:Of course I do. I don't even sweat when they invite me to stuff anymore. I'm like oh, I got somebody, I got something to wear for that for sure. And then I'm like, okay, it's like tomorrow.
Speaker 1:What am I going to?
Speaker 2:do, and I need jewelry and I need shoes. Good thing we're the same size. Ready Go.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was awesome, we did, we pulled it off.
Speaker 2:It was good, got a lot of compliments.
Speaker 1:You looked so cute. We always joke that orange is so your color. That's a different episode.
Speaker 2:Orange is your color. I'm like oh, thank you.
Speaker 1:It's just a different type of orange, not jumpsuits. This is like a. Really, this was like a velour, velvet.
Speaker 2:And then we went into the bar and everything was like a photo shoot, like I just belonged in there.
Speaker 1:They had like.
Speaker 2:Ottomans, that were the exact same. Yeah, um, austin was a good time, but I felt um very old afterwards. You know that party shut down early. Everybody's pretty grown or they're on a lay time or whatever, yeah, but um, we walked around sixth street and it was um, I felt very out of place really. My shoes are very comfortable you're welcome, thank goodness.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm all about a comfort zone. Take them for a spin.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I was just like, wow, this doesn't even look like the same place, like there's so many homeless people here. No, but it was a very cool experience. Nice Did the pedicab thing. Yeah, did the whole, you know.
Speaker 1:I do have one souvenir from this trip to austin. So if you guys don't know about kel and her fork, she um kel likes to throw forks.
Speaker 2:She has temper tantrums that was an isolated incident and, and then we have another.
Speaker 1:Let's talk about the other. Um, this one wasn't a fork, this one was a wooden spoon okay, that is a real story also tell them about uh in the keys you can order, you know they have scratching yourself with a fork.
Speaker 2:I know it's multi-permanent this matched the rose gold jewelry that you set me up with and because we had already joked about the fork, I was like this is coming home with me a picture of this fork on her leg from the thing I said oh, you got yourself a souvenir.
Speaker 1:Are you running around the red carpet event just poking people in the ass? I might have to. You never know. People get wild.
Speaker 2:You're never gonna get invited wild I know, but I mean, I think I got pictures for the one time. Well, tell me about your tell me about your wooden spoon, because this is hilarious I think we ordered some. You know those concert snacks. They have like potatoes in a bowl. It's like potatoes and bacon cheese and wonderfulness, and they give you a wooden spoon because there's no straws, there's no plastic you're gonna save the turtles uh, eco-friendly, right.
Speaker 2:So they gave me an extra wooden spoon. I was like like I was gonna share or something. No, I stick that spoon in my in her pocket, in my jacket pocket, and I carried that thing around probably for three days and I just kept.
Speaker 1:You never know going to have to whoop somebody's ass With a wooden spoon. Don't make me pull out my wooden spoon. The spoon was half the size and it was half of the size of a fork. I mean, it was your typical little plastic wear from. They thought I was just going to use it and throw it away.
Speaker 2:No, she carried it around, she took it home.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I probably still got it. Yeah, it's probably either in your suitcase or still in your jacket pocket.
Speaker 2:It very well could be because I haven't worn that jacket again, yeah.
Speaker 1:That's a real story, I mean it's a good souvenir.
Speaker 2:So that was fun. I like this one, that one's rather impressive. You went to a show, I think this weekend too, huh.
Speaker 1:I did. What did I do? Went to, oh, went to matt show everybody matt castillo, mattcastillomusiccom. Um yeah, played at the mavericks. And guess who he opened for who's that? Shut up diamond rio damn it.
Speaker 2:I knew I should have gone to that. Oh my goodness love me some time. I mean took it back, damn it.
Speaker 1:And then I was talking to um producers in nash Nashville. We were discussing things and um, I said you're never gonna believe who I'm gonna go see this weekend and we were talking about it. He said, oh man. He said I've known those guys for such a long time. And he said it brings me back to the restless heart days. And I was like shut up speaking my language exactly. It was so good, it was so good. Yeah, it was really cool it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was really cool. It's really cool when you um, you see guys like that that you've been listening to forever and ever and um not trying to date myself, but whatever Um and you, you just jump right back in it Like it was yesterday, like all these songs oh my gosh, it was so good.
Speaker 2:It was so good. You don't miss a word, you don't miss a beat. You just, you're just jamming. It was so good, it takes you right back.
Speaker 1:You don't miss a word. You don't miss a beat, you're just jamming.
Speaker 2:It was so good Hell yeah, they gave me a pic.
Speaker 1:Super nice dudes. It was really cool. That's awesome.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I heard you have a story to tell me about. We talked about my hair and my Rosanna, rosanna Donna.
Speaker 2:You have seen a lot of different hairdos and I'm going to keep them coming.
Speaker 1:I'm going to keep them coming, because that's just who I am.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so shout out to hairdressers, because those are like magicians, some of them.
Speaker 1:Therapist.
Speaker 2:Exactly, yep, so yesterday my boy had some appointments. He wanted to squeeze in a haircut so I said you know, it's fine this. I'm not gonna mention any names, I'm not trying to do anything like that, but he had this place picked out where he likes to go get this particular hairstyle. It is a barbershop, it's a little bit hood. I am a little, probably too white to be in there. I do not have like a little, you know, a little kid with special hair that needs to come to this barbershop like it's not a pit bull, like I don't have anything. He goes in.
Speaker 1:He has a picture he's gonna show the guy right and I remember doing that when I was a kid he shows the guy I'm like he's.
Speaker 2:You know he's 14, I'm gonna sit over here and be cool and I watch and his face is just like he and his eyes are ginormous. He's about to make me cry. I'm like something is happening.
Speaker 1:I get up and it's.
Speaker 2:This picture is not at all what he had. What?
Speaker 1:type of. So Riley, her son, and he's got extremely thick, thick hair, like it's the hair that everybody wants.
Speaker 2:I mean it's like thick, luscious hair. This is called a burst fade. It's supposed to kind of be like shaved burst fade. It's new to me too. That sounds like something you would catch in a grocery store. I mean like you might need a shot for that. But I'm like it's kind of weird.
Speaker 1:So do you have the burst fade? You're going to need a shot Clean that up, clean that up. Something wrong with you. What is going on here? Who comes up with this? They're just making shit up now. Yeah, yeah, they literally are. It's kind of like my gypsum area.
Speaker 2:So I'm like, okay, fine, if this is a full on mullet that this kid is now been shaped into, super shaved on the side like flat down, with like square in the front, and then just straight waterfall, straight.
Speaker 1:no, no, wave, no, I'm like I do pay the man, I tip the man and I I'd already asked him like looking like he wasn't trying to do like a theo vaughn and and I clearly know that you're listening, theo yeah, he is, and I love you and my goal for my podcast is to have you on my show.
Speaker 2:I dare you.
Speaker 1:My porch cast. I'm just throwing that out there, but anyways, he was not trying to go for that kind of a style. No, no, no.
Speaker 2:What the hell to you're gonna have to have. You're gonna have to throw this picture up on when I can't believe I didn't take a picture of this horrible mullet that I paid for. He gets in the car and I'm like I can't even look at you. I don't even know. I don't even know. That's not what you're supposed to say.
Speaker 1:I don't even know if I can take you anywhere like this like this is so bad, we need to call it in gypsy. She needs to get you another hat.
Speaker 2:I literally was about to pull up Amber's number like, okay, we need to hit emergency we cruise around the barbershop there's another barbershop.
Speaker 2:He goes oh, that's the place I heard about. He goes, I don't think they're open. And right then we see a man walk inside and I cruise that corner again. I came back around so you went from one barber to another barber Straight away. This was moments and call me hysterically freaking out. I was on the verge, I was just like driving and we had like 30 minutes to get to the next appointment, like a knee appointment, yeah. So I like opened the door and there's a lady and guys sitting in that barbershop and I said we have never been here before, but we have a hair emergency, we have a situation Show them. And they were like take your your. Yeah, she's like oh, baby boy, oh no, come sit down. And I'm like this just happened. I just paid for this and the guy's like who.
Speaker 2:We saw y'all getting out of the car. We were like, get that boy in here before they think we did.
Speaker 1:That did you not? Did you put like a? Shirt on his head? Did he walk in with his hoodie over? It was you know how the kids you know like middle school ain't bad enough right they can't wear the hoods anymore.
Speaker 2:He's on crutches. He got that haircut now I, I took him in, they just had to shave it all the way off, just fade, and he's like I had all grown this hair out for six months and now just like that chopped. Yeah, and that guy took his time. He didn't ever say like I don't have any idea how to do this or hey, homeboy.
Speaker 1:So it's now called a botched fade oh, it was.
Speaker 2:I'm really what's it called first a burst, burst.
Speaker 1:So it went from burst to a botch.
Speaker 2:Oh my god botched it was. He's about to miss the rest of your school holy pickles there's no way I couldn't take him anywhere like that.
Speaker 1:He's gonna listen to this thing like why are you bringing up my haircut, mom? I'm already mad enough oh, bless his heart. I can't believe he calls me about everything.
Speaker 2:I can't believe he didn't text you embarrassed and then he got the car and was like uh, if I ever tell you I want to mullet again of any kind, tell me, no, tell you I told you. Now it's all your fault no, you're mad because I, like you, get the haircut that you thought you wanted.
Speaker 1:You. You sat in the back seat. You.
Speaker 2:Googled this picture, you showed this man. You did, I paid him, I drove you here, that's the end of that.
Speaker 1:That was your job, that was your.
Speaker 2:Oh Lord, so that was the day.
Speaker 1:Wow, that's, that's terrible.
Speaker 2:Yeah. You know, Come on, man. Is he all right now?
Speaker 1:I don't think so Nope Already, texted me today.
Speaker 2:He meant about it.
Speaker 1:Oh, he's going to be in therapy for a long time.
Speaker 2:Two haircuts later. Two haircuts later. So I'm going to give a shout out to Marissa at Santos Barbershop.
Speaker 1:Way to go, Santos.
Speaker 2:We walked right in and she saved the day. They didn't even hesitate, good Lord. And then she was upset that she didn't take a picture of that before, because that was like a hair rescue situation, yeah.
Speaker 1:She's like I should have put this on my damn website Right, it's kind of like before and after of my Rosanna Rosanna Donna hair. Exactly. Then I come back later with Game changer. Total color touched up, got a little.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, you were losing your mind oh, I'm in this grow out phase. It's real. I made it to level three. You have done so good. Your patience has been extreme because your hair was super short oh yes, for a long time. Yeah, it's so easy, but then you know this is a struggle it is.
Speaker 1:It is and today in the society, in the way that kids are so mean and hateful and oh my goodness, it's. You just have never been so grateful for hats and that's a whole.
Speaker 2:They can't wear hats at school, though. What, how, why? That's a good question. These kids can wear ears or dog collars or whatever, and he's like I can't wear a hat and a ball cap and the.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what is happening with the feet, the feefies, the fairy, the fuzzy, yeah, what is? I don't know. I don't know. If I don't even have the patience to read the shit I can't, because I can't get into that.
Speaker 2:But how are you gonna allow that? Because it's not distracting, but a ball cap but a ball cap is distracting.
Speaker 1:Jeez, I'm like.
Speaker 2:Look, you have like 18 more days of school. Let's just get through this.
Speaker 1:Your hair will grow you know, I saw an article um, it doesn't matter where somewhere yeah, you know, nemo dory squirrel, yeah, squirrel um where it was talking about how teachers and it was talking about the pay that teachers get paid and all the BS that they have to go through, which is just unbelievable. I remember when I was a kid and my mom's best friend and her other best friend were teachers by trade their entire life and it had gotten so bad then and it was because of all the testing and stuff that they wanted to do with the kids and and all the things that they had to do to accomplish these tests and these. Then they're being graded, on being graded and then being graded because their grade was not the grade it was supposed. I mean, what shut up like?
Speaker 1:stop, you literally need to pay those t-shirts, ran them completely out of the industry and um, but can you, I mean, and gosh, this was 40 years ago and some change and can you imagine them in today? But this article particularly was about how teachers should quit and I'm sure this is going to raise a bunch of hoopla, but it's our porch and we can talk about whatever we want to talk about, whatever we want to talk about. But it really made perfect sense because it was talking about teachers quitting their job and homeschooling and charging you know people, yes, and how it would take their pathetic salary and get them paid what they need to be paid. Then your kids wouldn't have the bs it. I mean, when you think about it, it all made perfect sense. I'm not saying I'm against it.
Speaker 2:Right, I mean Lord knows these teachers put up with a lot and I don't know how anybody can find it in their heart to still thank you for your service Seriously.
Speaker 1:And I mean that because, man, yeah, we had one episode when we were talking about we were talking on the porch and we were saying about gifting your teachers. And I said don't feel bad about going to the liquor store Bar gift cards. Seriously.
Speaker 2:Give people a break. They're about to get their summer break. That's the only thing I'm jealous about teachers.
Speaker 1:But you know, nowadays almost half of them don't take a summer break anymore. They teach summer school.
Speaker 2:Or they have another job.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's unfortunate because you know we're really investing in our future here.
Speaker 1:I know I mean. They're raising our future, they're helping us and doing everything, and then they get to bed.
Speaker 2:Girl.
Speaker 1:Those kids aren't scared. They don't get whoopings.
Speaker 2:No, nothing.
Speaker 1:You can't, I don't care. No, speaking of getting poked with a fork. Woo See, my daddy used to pop my knuckles with the damn butter knife.
Speaker 2:Ooh yeah, tell me that wouldn't Catholic school shit right there.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean look at these phony knuckles.
Speaker 2:I have.
Speaker 1:Yeah, pow Boy, you learn real quick. Yeah, you going to put your elbows on the table again? Bet you not? I think not. Do I put my elbows on the table today? Absolutely not. It only took one time. That shit stays with you. Yeah, it does. Yeah, maybe we should start poking people with forks.
Speaker 2:That's a good concept you got. Listen, it's not going to hurt that bad. It's enough to stop you. It's enough to get your attention. My friend Holly will probably tell you otherwise.
Speaker 1:Well, we'll have to bring her on and talk about how she got.
Speaker 2:That one time yeah.
Speaker 1:So we're talking about word of the days. We started that last week, and that's funny because I was about to say it is boop Boop, you can take your fork and you can just give him a boop Because you use that word like Deal. Yeah, just like the word deal.
Speaker 2:And then boop, there it was, and then boop, it was gone.
Speaker 1:Yeah, or I take Camus, my little bulldog, and I go, do you need a boop? And I boop his little nose, Yep, nose, yep, because he needs boops, or I use it as did you go outside and go boop, so it's like betty, boop and poop, so you got booped, you get booped, you get did you boop, did you? You got booped, did you? So that could be, you got shit on. Something had happened to you. You got booped.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh no, you got booped.
Speaker 1:Or did you boop. Is it on me? Yeah, did that bird just boop you.
Speaker 2:Or did you just? Yeah, it could have done a flyby or it could have booped on you, it could have booped.
Speaker 1:But I was going to say yeah, are you running around?
Speaker 1:poking everybody. There you go. It's boop, that's with a B-O-O-P Boop. Tell me, kelly Boop for a reason. Yeah, boop boop. Me and Nick were talking yesterday about some boop and I said you know, I'm kind of like the cross between Cher and Betty Boop and the Cranberries. She said what? And I said yeah. I said do you know who the Cranberries are? And she was like she had to Google them. Well, I was really shocked. She didn't. She knew who the Cranberries was. I was so proud. If y'all don't know who the Cranberries are, you need to look them up. Look them up. That is some good, good stuff. But yeah, so then she said she was going to rename my whatever, my boop in her phone and she was going to rename it to the fairy godmother. I said that's it. Our relationship is over.
Speaker 2:Fairy boop mother.
Speaker 1:I swear to pickles if I open up her phone and it has a picture of the fairy godmother with her I'm gonna lose my shit, yeah she's probably doing it right now too.
Speaker 2:She's like oh, thanks for reminding me that's why her and camis are compadres that's her baby, oh my god, they're something else.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they just run around and boop each other all the time. Yeah, yup. So, um, we talked about things that are coming up and we're just going to revisit those. For those of you guys that didn't didn't catch on that, we do have some fun stuff coming up, um, at gypsy river resort, may 11th, if you guys are in town or around town or coming to town, or coming to town.
Speaker 1:Um, you guys come hang out. We have rock me a river festival. Um, it's the first, the first one, and, yeah, the kids are putting it together. So, gypsy river resort, may 11th. Um, they'll be floating, there'll be music, there'll be cold beer, there'll be all kinds of fun stuff so you guys, you guys, come and hang with us, and then we also, um are cleaning up the river.
Speaker 1:We wanted to visit that again. You guys, come and hang with us, and then we also, um are cleaning up the river. We wanted to visit that again. You guys, come and help us um sunday, may 19th. We're going to start around 11 and it's free. Uh, you guys come. No free parking, free, free, everything. We're just going to go and and fill the rafts and clean up the river. So you guys come if you don't test run.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah see how much trash we can get get out of the river for a river season, because memorial day and clean up the rivers.
Speaker 1:You guys come if you don't have anything.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, see what's going on, see how much trash.
Speaker 1:We can get out of the river before river season starts Because Memorial Day weekend is upon us. The ship's show starts to happen. So come out for one last weekend before it gets wild.
Speaker 2:Celebrate, have a good time, take some pictures.
Speaker 1:Check in, then I think we should, so I've mentioned it before, kind of like your temper tantrums with your fork. I'm not trying to bring up old shit.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you are.
Speaker 1:Then we need to take a beach trip. We haven't been in a very long time, and Kels has taught me in the last couple of years to take a deep breath, to relax, to enjoy the things that we work so hard for, because I never seemed to do that I I am a workaholic and nobody will make you stop.
Speaker 2:You'll just keep going and going. There will always be another problem. There will always be things that come up that need your attention, like you just literally have to be like right that's it, I'm out.
Speaker 1:and then that's when we took our calendar hardcore into play and we decided years ago that, yeah, and it was really cool and it was a really cool. I think that was a really cool special bond in our relationship and is because and that's and it's kind of kind of crazy now that I'm thinking about it how, when you, you remember certain certain things in in your, your friendships and your relationships with people. But I remember when we said, let's put this on the calendar, and when we put things on the calendar, that we have to take them seriously and we take our calendar very, very, very serious, and that was really one of the biggest strong points in our relationship.
Speaker 2:Because we threatened. You know what we need to do, you know what we should do. I'm like no, let's stop. Right now. We're looking at the calendars. What about this weekend? Put it on the calendar.
Speaker 1:It's happening. And we did. And it was so cool because Kel called me and it was like a week before she's looking at the calendar and she's like, hey, we had the beach trip scheduled on the calendar. And I was like, yeah, we do. I said, said what time you want me to pick you up? And you're like, wait what? Really like we're still doing it, we're really gonna go. And I was like, yeah, cal, it's on the calendar, I mean it's it's, it's happening. And you were so happy and so like that never happens because people flake.
Speaker 2:You know we'll set things up and then like, oh, you know, I just can't. I'm like I know I have friends that flake. They're notorious for flaking, right Right. I'm like, if you're down, I'm still down, like, let's do this.
Speaker 1:And we did, and we had the absolute best freaking time, and so now we have made that Obviously we take our calendar very serious, but we've also made it into a tradition where we go, and certain times of the year we take a kid trip, then we take a non-kid trip. We never take a husband trip, we always leave them away, and but that's when we started our self-appointed HOA. Oh yes, so good. And I don't. We have not, really we have not enlightened our porch casters, or oh, no our, our porch people about our self-appointed HOA.
Speaker 2:A lot of people live there, but some of them are just beach houses, so it's like a eclectic little group of decorations Right From one house to the next.
Speaker 1:You don't know what is going to happen. It's like literally an episode of Twilight Zone in certain different areas and it's pretty wild. You've got condos. You have, like you said, there's rentals, there's some that are Airbnbs, there are some subdivisions that don't let you do any of that.
Speaker 2:We've done some research and driven around we have, we have.
Speaker 1:So yeah, we get. You know, Lizzo's her name. That's our golf cart down there, and so Kel and I have gone, We've hung out on the beach and we've enjoyed ourselves, and then we'll come home and take a cruise on the golf cart, Sing us some. You know Kel and her music. We're going to sing us some good songs and I, you know I love my music too. But yeah, she's in control.
Speaker 2:Playlist she's the DJ.
Speaker 1:The playlist is key. She's the DJ, the playlist is key. She's a driver. Yeah, I'm the DJ. But we literally have gone around and decided that we are going to. We just self-appointed. I mean, you know, there needs to be some kind of regulation, some kind of something. And I have such a love-hate relationship for the HOA, as you very well know. I've got episode of episode in my house here in town and they don't like me and I don't like them. I feel like they're bullies.
Speaker 2:They are, and they have all these rules and stuff.
Speaker 1:They do, and I get that you have to have rules. I understand that and I'm not trying to break the rules, but well, I said not trying. Yeah, that was a lie.
Speaker 2:Shit. You're not trying not to break the rules.
Speaker 1:I just booped that all up. Nope, nope, sorry guys.
Speaker 2:No, ma'am, do you have a horse in your front?
Speaker 1:yard. Is that a yeah?
Speaker 2:Are you washing it? What's happening?
Speaker 1:Is the soap running down the driveway.
Speaker 2:You're breaking like three rules right here Well.
Speaker 1:I'm very honest when I break them and I tell them, like I told them the last time, and that's where my really it got bad.
Speaker 2:You got too honest.
Speaker 1:Well, I said things that I probably should have not said, and y'all already know that. That's me. Shit's going to come out of my mouth and blah, blah, blah. That's a thing. It is what it is.
Speaker 2:I yelled some some profanity okay, there it is, and then?
Speaker 1:at the little feller um. But I know, yeah, I would say he's cute, but he wasn't. He was a messenger, he was so mad he was so mad, but that particular day.
Speaker 1:So I had a horse that had an injury, very, very bad injury, and um, he had stayed at my bet's house, which they're literally my besties, you know that and shout out to um country Hills and and Dr Kenny Patton, I love you, kp and Yaya. And so anyways, my horse had um, literally he had slipped and fallen, him and Nye Shandy and I were playing, and slipped and literally flayed his leg open. I mean, it was horrible, horrible injury. So KP had him and then KP took him to his house and it was Thanksgiving, and so because the kids, that's where you know they're all grown and everybody's got to go from one to this and you have got divorced, you all know about my baggage and shit.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So you got to go and it's so stressful and I grew up that way and it was just stressful and I swore I would never put my kids through all that and the hurting, the feelings and blah, blah, blah. So we would wait and do our thanksgiving either a week after or just to, just to make everybody's life just easier. And so, um, I had brought shandy home and he had to stay in a confined area.
Speaker 1:So he had to stay, he, you couldn't just let him he had to have water therapy is where you, but we're talking a full-grown horse yes, not that, not not the little we're talking, and this is a big draft joke I was making.
Speaker 2:I'm talking about the little baby horse.
Speaker 1:No, I'm talking about a big, big draft horse so did you just take him into the yard? Well, kind of. I mean, you know he had to get his exercise and things.
Speaker 2:The neighbors are just like.
Speaker 1:Funny how my voice just changed and I went to a slight whisper, I know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm going to poke you with your own fork here in a minute, kel, we're fine here. Yeah, she takes it away and moves it. I need a fork. Yeah, you need a fork holder. Oh, my gosh. So I did. So. I take shandy home and he's in the trailer at night and then, or during the day or whatever, and then I would take him out and walk and do exercise and what have you would. At the back of our subdivision at the time there was a particular lot that had this beautiful green grass. It was probably Tifton or something. I would take him walking. That weekend we had had our Thanksgiving dinner. The guys were all inside watching football. I said I'm going to go take Shandy out for a walk. It was a beautiful day. I walk him over to this pasture, which is not I mean, it's not really, it's just an open lot in between houses which is way back in the cul-de-sac. There was maybe two, three houses. I take him for a walk. Our subdivision's tiny.
Speaker 2:You can go around this, basically a circle but it's a regular subdivision like don't yeah, it is, it's gated, it's unusual to see someone walking up.
Speaker 1:Well, these families and the kids are, oh my gosh. There was one picture and shandy's just loving life and you know, he's just so sweet, so beautiful. And so these kids are taking pictures and they're like oh my goodness, and everybody's just so happy. And she has a horse?
Speaker 1:yes, they're bringing carrots. And one of the neighbors came out and she was like um, does he like the? A kumquat? And I said a hue, a what? Excuse me, I don't even know if I like that. I know, are you saying that? Is that pg? What are we talking about?
Speaker 2:I don't know what she just said to me.
Speaker 1:I don't know but I'm kind of offended. I was like my horse should eat. I don't think we should do.
Speaker 1:We're gonna go eat that grass yeah, you can keep your kumquats to yourself, but anyways, he did like them and so we go around. And so then I take him back over to the open lot and then I'm letting him graze and I'm thinking this car pulls up and I'm thinking, oh hi, they want to see a horse, they want to take another picture. Bye, dallas, yeah. And then he says, um, excuse me, ma'am, and I said yeah, you know, hi, hi, you know. He's, I'm just letting shady, is that your horse? Yeah, and says, is that your horse?
Speaker 1:and I was like, no, I just I'm just walking him just walking I don't know I found him, thought I would just I'm horse sitting, yeah, right, and literally like two minutes before he pulled me over, which is what I felt, like you know, I was like bro, where's your siren at? You know, we have one on Lizzo. Yeah, when we do our self-appointed HOA and we're we're writing tickets.
Speaker 2:We are going to write tickets.
Speaker 1:Yes, we're going to do our little machine thing that we talked about. Front entryway.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And he said, well, um, um, do you, are you from around here? And I said, yeah, I live right there and I turn around and I point at my house and my house is on a corner and the way my house sits on my lot it's a big l, so you can't, you can't miss it. If you're on one side of the street, you see my house. You're on the other side of the street, you see the other half of the house and at that particular time we had a boat in the driveway or on the side of the street.
Speaker 1:The number of vehicles we had I know we had a golf cart in the thing, which is again if you go against the rules flip to page number 879 in the hoa blah, blah, blah you can't.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you cannot have a trailer, you cannot have a boat, you cannot have golf carts, barbecue trailer, barbecue pit horses, horse. Yeah, you know well, that particular day I turn around and I said, yeah, I live right there, and he goes. Oh, you live here. I said, yeah, I do, and he goes. You do realize you can't have horses in the subdivision. And I said, oh shit, you have got to be kidding me. Are Are you fucking kidding me right now? I said who are you? And he goes well, I'm the HOA. I said, really, you got a name. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I said oh, and I mean I go from zero to. I went straight past 60. I went straight past 300. Look at me, my blood, my thing, popping out my forehead right now I'm about to throw my shoe 300.
Speaker 2:Look at me.
Speaker 1:My blood is my thing popping out my forehead right now. I'm about to throw my shoe, just getting big mad. And yes, and I turned around and I look and instantly I think, oh, I have broken every single rule. This could not have happened at a better time. And I said you have got to be kidding me. I said this horse has got a major injury. I said it's a holiday, everyone is closed. And I said he is in stays in my trailer. I said I only have him here for the weekend and he goes. Well, you do realize that you cannot have horses here.
Speaker 2:And I said moose frobby, I can do it, I can do it.
Speaker 1:Yes, and I'm thinking to myself dear lord, can we all just bow our?
Speaker 1:heads, forgive me because about to sin. I am about to say, ooh, I was big mad. I can just feel my cheeks getting red talking about it. And um, I said so when you write this letter that you're going to send me to tell me that I cannot have a horse in my subdivision, I said, make sure when you turn around right there, I said make sure that you don't cut down another 400 trees, because you're going to have to send me about 20 letters because every single rule in the book I have now broken. That's my boat, that's my trailer. That's my barbecue pit because we smoked a turkey for Thanksgiving. That is my golf cart because I was spinning around taking little kids. I said everyone in the subdivision has been taking pictures and has just had a blast with my horse. No, my horse doesn't live here. What do you think he just like, does his?
Speaker 1:Fender aerobics in my pool in the backyard. Come on, yeah, talk about stealing my thunder. Don't act like I'm brand new. You know who I am. So I just went completely off and then he got back in his little I'll never forget it.
Speaker 2:You were just listing off violations, every single one of them.
Speaker 1:I was like I will write my own ticket, make sure you include that. And I got a donkey in the back and put it all on one sheet of paper. If I find out that you chopped down 12 trees to write me these tickets, I'm gonna really be better shrink that font. And then he gets in his truck and he drives away and I said hey, and another thing, I wasn't done, kel, I had so much to still say. And he stops his truck and I flipped every bird I had and I gave him boops, big boops. I said happy fucking Thanksgiving. I was so mad. And then he drove off and I was like and I stormed back to him. I mean, literally I walked two, three blocks or whatever.
Speaker 1:You're lucky my horse is hurt, or I would have jumped on this bitch and rode away Into the sunset I was so mad Flipping the bird and I go, and I don't even put Shandy in the trailer, I tie him up in the street. I bet you did so I'm like now I'm going to make all you cars go all the way around him. Yep, y'all want to say something.
Speaker 1:I walk in the house and I'm like these people bad, my husband. Everybody turns around and looks like what is wrong with you? And I was like I cannot believe. Do y'all know? Everyone is so happy and here I am just thinking, oh my goodness, these guys are wanting to. Oh, you guys want to take a picture. You about to put a for sale sign in the yard. They did not want to take a picture, they were trying to give me a ticket.
Speaker 2:The audacity. I mean, what On the audacity on Thanksgiving? I know, yeah, dirty rotten. Oh, we're going to be giving tickets, that's for sure.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but ours are fun.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and they're not going to know that they're fun, but they're going to be like. Did I get a ticket because my house is too purple?
Speaker 1:Yeah, because you didn't have the proper wreath on the front, Because if you're going to have a purple, yellow and blue house, you in blue house with you better be from new orleans, and you better have some type of festival happening inside. When we walk in there, I'll bring beads and throw them in your bushes right.
Speaker 2:At least decorate the bushes, can we?
Speaker 1:talk about the manatee, that was. What color was that guy? Could you give him a fresh coat of paint?
Speaker 2:we don't have manatees here, but why are you gonna have him looking like? I don't know. There was a lot of weird.
Speaker 1:You can go get a little tiny deal at the Ace Hardware, which is right yeah on the island. Now we drive Lizzo to the Ace. You know me and my tools and what have you?
Speaker 2:I'd like to go see it again.
Speaker 1:I know. Make sure I remember where it is. Make sure I remember what it looks like. I know.
Speaker 2:Exactly, at least if we're going to give the tickets and do our little ticket writer oh, it's going to be hilarious, they're going to be solid. We're going to have to document that. We need to tell them about what was his name.
Speaker 1:We called him Harold. Well, you called him Harold. I didn't call him Harold, you called him Harold.
Speaker 2:Oh, that friendly neighbor man that pulled us over.
Speaker 1:So we were walking, we were driving Lizzo around and we and we went to a different part of the canal. So there's canals where the beach house is, so you got and you go. We went over to another bridge, we went to a different canal. That's what we decided. We were going to go check out the scenery over there and to see if we could come up with any reasons to write people tickets over on that side, oh, there's plenty.
Speaker 1:There was plenty. It was more of a. It's obviously there's different class levels, I guess. I mean, just like there is yes, so this was a definitely a different class level.
Speaker 2:Class B, class C yeah.
Speaker 1:This was a higher class subdivision, and so we're, we're driving around our golf cart and we're just jamming, and oh, we had. Do we have fees with us?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's what it was. Did we have a Tulsa?
Speaker 1:The.
Speaker 2:The dog wanted to eat, fee didn't we have I thought we had alpaca with us. No, I think that was a different trip no pickles, but yeah, so he we pull, waves us down right like hey, yeah yeah, he's got something to say let's see what he's talking about so he was literally um kravitz.
Speaker 1:What's her name of? The one that talks, yeah, what is her name? Betty, crap? What's her name? The one that talks about everybody? The one that knows everything about everybody in the subdivision? Yeah, y'all comment and let me know, because y'all know how my brain.
Speaker 2:That was her self-appointed. Uh hoa president over there has the deets on everybody. He wants slow down, slow. Hey, are you guys, you guys live around here.
Speaker 1:No, he thought we were from Armenians.
Speaker 2:Yes, Are y'all kin to the Armenians? What does that even mean? He thinks that we're illegal or we're like into some cartel shit, I know our tan was good, but good Lord.
Speaker 1:I mean we did have a nice bronze color going on. It was that good sunblock with the sparkles. Fuck yeah, that's good sunblock.
Speaker 2:He wanted to come in on the lemur, and then he felt the need to tell us we had to meet the dog that was old Sandy. Neighborhood watch program. That's what he was. Yeah, he said this guy over here. Let me tell you about him.
Speaker 1:He said do you know? Yeah, he's never here. Do you know, travis Y, I name drop.
Speaker 2:And Ron, yeah, he said he got all his money from Enron. He did. We don't even know that guy on that canal and he was telling us all his business.
Speaker 1:He told us when he was home, when he wasn't home, yep. So I mean, can you imagine if we were like shh?
Speaker 2:these people over there. They're never home.
Speaker 1:They're never home. They're gone for six months at a time they.
Speaker 2:I was like we got to go sis. We've been talking to this old man. It's like talking to my dad. I got to back away, love you. He will keep going.
Speaker 1:I'm reaching over, trying to pump the gas. She's whispering in my ear going.
Speaker 2:Could you tell Harold we need to go which?
Speaker 1:is my dad, because our dad's been talking. Yeah, they do, they're exactly the same. But it was so funny so by the time we we sat there, we were needing a fresh cocktail. Um, we had learned everything in the like. The first six, the six houses, we know what's going on over there by first name, by last name. What job they have.
Speaker 2:Job they had when little suzy is home, when she's not town when they're gonna be down of town, when they're going to be out of town we knew.
Speaker 1:I knew more about them than I know of my own family.
Speaker 2:Seriously, we should have got his number because he knows what's going on.
Speaker 1:I know we could shoot him a text. Hey, can you go check my yard? We're starting the HOA up over here.
Speaker 2:We want to know if you want to maybe. Um, oh, sit in the back and write the tickets. We'll take a cruise. He'll be out there. Oh yeah, that's his thing.
Speaker 1:Oh, there's chicks on a golf cart that I don't recognize. Hello ladies. Where did y'all come from?
Speaker 2:are you kin to the armenians, clearly?
Speaker 1:knew we were stranger danger, but obviously haven't seen y'all around here in a while. Yeah, y'all just move in. When do you go on vacation? Where do you come from? Where do you live? Why are you wearing that?
Speaker 2:white shoe. Why? Why do you go on vacation? Where do you come from? Where do you live? Why are you wearing?
Speaker 1:that white shoe, Ma'am? What kind of animal is that? Can I?
Speaker 2:pet your monkey. We got to go, harold, we got to go. We was just going to cruise the loop, catch the sunset, get the drink. And I have the music paused right now. You're totally messing up our vibe, total, vibe, total, vibe.
Speaker 1:Questions and questions and then answers.
Speaker 1:He would ask his own question and answer his own answer Kind of like I did when I told those people at the HOA when they were trying to give me my own ticket, I said I will write my own ticket. I don't need you to write it, in fact, I'll just scratch it on the sidewalk right here and save and make. Oh, and I even told him how to spell my name the right way. Yeah, don't be making up words like I do. You can't if you don't spell my name correctly. Oh, I did tell that it's not even you. Well, I did tell them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because, yeah, there used to be another person's name on the hoa and she's not around anymore and I was like, make sure, when you do send it, make sure you get the right baggage person.
Speaker 2:Bag lady.
Speaker 1:Yeah, when you send this letter.
Speaker 2:Hand deliver it. Don't even waste the postman's time. You know where.
Speaker 1:I live. Y'all know where I live.
Speaker 2:And I might have some more violations y'all don't even know about.
Speaker 1:Let me know what time you're going to swing by. I'll throw a couple steaks or something on the pit that's in the front yard. It's not supposed to be there.
Speaker 2:Fire it up, bring the animals. Yeah, that wasn't the first time that I had an episode, hoa episode.
Speaker 1:Well, one time I walked out the door and I was taking the youngest to school and I had a couple of goats Not a couple, I had about nine of them at the time that were in the house. I got the cutest little video. I'll have to find it. They're bee-bopping around on the furniture out there.
Speaker 2:Anyone else, you would think this is a fictitious story. No, it's real. It's fucking not.
Speaker 1:No, it's a real thing. And so I go outside and I got on just like a pajama dress type thing. Yeah, titties, just out. Nothing, you know, not a care in the world.
Speaker 2:Don't, don't, don't, don't you know, just whatever, Yep Well.
Speaker 1:I had gizkins with me and um, so he's the one that I put in the scooter that would ride this. You know, you remember gizkins and gizzy? And um, that would ride this. You know, you remember gizgans and gizzy? And um, I walk outside and I would get in the truck, go drop garrison off school and I come back and boop right behind my horse trailer, right there, boop. Word of the day boop is there. It is again. Is mr uh hoa nbpd?
Speaker 1:oh no, oh yes, girl and this is like escalated, you know, you'd think they'd send out the same one each time. So at least they know me by now. Like nah, it's just tiffany she's. You know there's nothing we can do. It's a private street. I'll go out there and say, hey, what's up? What do you got in your yard this time? Or what do you? What do you have in your house that you're not supposed to have here? Well, this particular time I um, it's funny, I have particular times and how many times this has happened. It's happened multiple times.
Speaker 1:But this time it was a little different than the others because I had the goat with me and I was about to pee myself. I had to pee, so bad. And so I walk out he's coming from around the trailer and I said, here, hold this, and I hand him the goat. I would go back into my house. I go up my stairs, I go inside, I go pee and I look at my husband. I said you're never going to believe this shit. And he was like what? And you know he's not a morning person he's like what, what, what, what's happening right now? I said freaking NBPDs out back, out front again. And he goes, yeah, I said yep, and I just hand him gizzikins and he goes what do you mean? I said I gave him gizzy and he goes. Why'd you give him gizzy? And I said because I had to pee.
Speaker 1:And he said well, what are you doing? I said I'm just letting him stand out there and hold my goat and think about his choices, thinking about what is he? How did I get myself? How am I standing right here? This woman, woman, she got me, yeah, she got me. I'm about to get booped on. I did. I just left him out there, standing out there behind the horse trailer Looking out the window. Yeah, I was A goat in his hand. Yup, and he's just standing there Six minutes, babe, I know, look at him, he doesn't sit. Do I put on the leash? Do?
Speaker 2:I hold it right here.
Speaker 1:Do I put it in the trailer? Animal control, I know, seems kind of small. What's the next step? He seems, I mean he's. He's confused and he was a bottle bay his. His mommy had to have a c-section and so that's why I had him at my house, because I had to bottle feed him all the time and not to mention he was cute as all get out and bonus and that's what I do, you know.
Speaker 1:And um, so yeah, and I walked out there and I said I know you want to. What do you? Why are you here? What's up? He was like, well, I got a report. I got a report that there was a horse in a trailer.
Speaker 1:He didn't know I was going to walk out with a goat in my hand and I said, yeah, and he goes. Well, I mean, I'm looking at the, the horse, and the horse seems to be fine. And I said you don't know anything about horses, do you? Do you? And he goes uh, no, no, ma'am. And I said look at that horse's leg. This horse is not fine. This horse is not fine.
Speaker 1:This horse needs to be in a confined area, has to have, you know, treatments three times a day, medication, blah, blah, blah. Cannot be out roaming and frolicking in the fields. This horse needs to be in here. No, yeah, and he goes. Well, I mean there's really nothing I can do, but I do have to follow up. It is a private street and I was like cool, and the whole time we're having this conversation, I'm still making him hold the goat because I am not taking the goat. Yeah, don't get caught holding the goat, don't? I mean, come on, look, I know what I'm doing and, yeah, I was breaking the rules, I understand that. But I mean my mean, my goodness. But you smiled, I did because it was funny and it was, and I'm thinking yeah, and he got to hold a baby goat.
Speaker 2:He probably went home and told his friends about it. You know he did, he went straight back to the stick.
Speaker 1:You know they're taking selfies. He didn't even get out of subdivision. He got on there. Everything's fine. In the home front there was a goat napping. There was a goat, it was me. Yeah, the horse in the trailer is doing fine, but you're never gonna believe what happened next. Check it out. I got. Yeah, he has goggles. He rides on a scooter. His name is gizzy yeah, yeah he.
Speaker 2:I mean that was more than he bargained for, clearly, but what a day that's what happens when you meet me exactly here I am, you're either gonna get booped on you're gonna get booped, boop on your shoe.
Speaker 1:Something's gonna happen that could happen as well, and I'm just gonna boop. It's like the, here I go again stop what's it called? Where you get booped, where you punked? There it is. Come on, Ashton. Yes, you say that all the time. I was like come on, help me. Come on, Ashton. Where?
Speaker 2:are you at? I know, I know we're getting punked right now. Yeah, this is not happening. No, you're getting booped.
Speaker 1:Okay, I got you. It's a full on thing. It's a good word. You're welcome. It'll be a reality show. You're welcome. You got booped. Yeah, yeah, you did In more ways than one, buddy, oh.
Speaker 2:I can see some.
Speaker 1:I booped that cop. I booped several of them in the front yard. That sounds horribly awkward. I do not recommend you.
Speaker 2:All out in public?
Speaker 1:Yeah, don't just be walking around telling everybody that you booped them, because that's just.
Speaker 2:People will be like oh so many boops, that's a good time. I feel sorry for HOA. I mean, at least they're probably have a photo of all your evidence.
Speaker 1:And you know, my husband reminds me all the time that they hate me, and I'm good with that, it's fine. And then I'm going to get in trouble for this and I'm going to get in trouble for that. Ironically enough, they haven't sent me a letter in a very, very long time. Maybe it's on an email. You were trying to save the trees because you threatened me. Now here I was thinking I was getting by with all this shit, and now I'm not getting by with nothing, because now they're emailing my letters. Because now, well, maybe because I yelled at him, told him not to be killing all the trees Recycle paper hand delivered.
Speaker 1:Exactly make sure you put all her now you're trespassing. Get off all your violations on one. I'm gonna need it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, on one ticket, send it to my lawyer yeah, exactly, y'all know we got our own speed dial anyways. But well, today was fun, I had a good time. Thanks for hanging with us on our porch. You guys, we will see you next week. Come and hang with us. Um, rock me a river. Thanks for hanging on our porch cast. We are fortunate to be fortunate and I'm so glad you guys were here. Hope to see y'all soon. Take care, love y'all. Bye.